无论什么时候，宴会总是热气腾腾的。不管款待的对象是敌是友，总不能输了场面，得拿出最精致的器皿，配上最华丽的装饰，请来最著名的乐队，才配得上来宾的盛装出席。置身于礼服长裙拖曳出的珠光宝气中，杨威利不自觉地理了理自己那身不成套西装的衣襟。不过，鉴于自己只是一个文化部晚宴上负责接待的工作人员，今晚宴会厅的灯光没有一缕会为自己照耀——这样的自觉让他少了许多社交方面的顾虑，从而将今晚的重心放在吧台和餐桌上那些平时难得一尝的美酒和美食上。他在吧台端了一杯Moscow Mule，又在餐盘中放上一些形状精美的点心，将一本小开本里尔克诗集夹在腋下，准备在楼梯间忙里偷闲一会儿。杨走到宴会厅门前，用夹着诗集的那只手试图推开门，但显然他低估了东德政府在外交上肯付出的财力——这扇门可不像自己吱吱呀呀的公寓门一样，用小指轻轻一碰就开了，杨威利和这扇红木亮漆门搏斗了好几个回合，非但没有取得任何胜果，反而让夹在腋下的书往下滑了几厘米。正值他节节败退千钧一发之际，一双有力的手往门把手上施了一把力——门终于开了。
杨威利转过身来，站在自己跟前的是一位约莫三十岁出头的男青年，量身剪裁的深色小礼服在他的腰身上勾出颀长而健美的轮廓，浅棕色头发整齐地弯曲成一个典雅的发型，一双富有神采和机敏的湖蓝色眼睛看着他。这可能是一位外宾，杨威利为自己的招待不周感到愧疚，不应该是他为自己开门的。他正要开口道歉，对方却露出了然的神情，盯着从他手臂间露出一角的《杜伊诺哀歌》，用纯正的德语问道：“头一回来？”
带着一丝被看穿的尴尬，杨威利坦诚地回答：“是的。我是柏林大学亚洲系东亚部的博士生，被我的教授推荐来这里负责接待工作。非常抱歉，我没有注意到您——”杨正说着，对方却笑着摆手打断了他：“噢，没关系。我也只是这里的工作人员，上个月才刚到人事司报到，你看——这身礼服还是三天前才做好的。”看着对方努力证明自己同样是个晚宴新人的样子，杨威利低下头轻轻笑出了声。笑声让气氛缓和了不少，于是，眼前的男青年向杨眨眨眼，提出了一个提议：“其实，我也不太习惯这种场合，正想找个地方透透气。刚才我路过厨房，发现厨房后门有一小块空地，我准备去那边抽支烟，一起来吗？”
杨威利并没有什么拒绝的理由，于是他爽快地接受了这个提议，和他向厨房的方向走去，走到一半，杨想起了什么，向身旁的青年伸出手道：“还没自我介绍呢，我叫杨威利，你呢？”
“华尔特·冯·先寇布。”先寇布也伸出手，两个人的手握在了一起。
先寇布！
杨威利睁开了眼，眼前一片漆黑。附近传来缓慢而规律的滴水声和手掌下的棉布布料提示他——这是在他的家中，自己的床上。他继而失望地意识到——现在是1992年，自己不再是26岁，也不再住在城市的东边。
但是——
但是，有那么一瞬间，杨觉得那都是真的，从先寇布那身黑灰丝光织纹礼服的布料里透出的他的体温、他口中吐出的烟雾、感到快乐时微微上扬的眉峰，还有那双锐利而机敏的眼睛——那双已三十年未见的眼睛——在虚幻的梦境里都显得如此触手可及。
三十年。宇宙的历史有一百四十亿年，智人的历史有十九万年，人类文明的历史有一万年，而一个人的历史呢？三十年，足以让一个人从年轻到衰老，从期望尚存到失落不断——三十年，几乎就是一个成年人的一生。历史可以重写，文明可以重建，但一个人就只能拥有眼前的一生。
杨轻轻叹了一口气。叹气声似乎打扰到了身旁的人，菲列特利加翻了个身，用含糊不清的声音问：“怎么了？”
“没什么，我做了个梦。”杨威利为她把肩膀上的被子重新压好，轻声说：“睡吧。”
寒冬的积雪开始融化了，路上行人在阴冷的天气里拖泥带水地来来去去。尤里安仍像一艘永不停息的快艇，在工作和公寓两点之间来回穿梭。毕业临近，卡琳越来越忙，两人见面的次数直线下降。手头没有工作时，在脑海里规划他和卡琳在维也纳的新生活是一个不错的选项，而另一个选项则是翻阅已向市民公开的前斯塔西档案文件——鉴于最重要的一部分文件已经被烧毁，尤里安看到的大多数只是一些常规的行政文件——出生证明、死亡证明、结婚证明、人事调动证明……尤里安想起马克思说过，最理想的人是全面发展的人——人可以决定自己的一生应当如何度过、和谁一同度过，不受任何阶级的压迫，不受任何剥削的限制。“我们有可能随我们自己的心愿今天干这事，明天干那事，上午打猎，下午捕鱼，傍晚从事畜牧，晚饭复从事批判，但并不因此就使我成为一个猎人、渔夫、牧人，或评论家。”他在书中这么写道。然而在现实里，人的一生将如何度过却是由这些盖上公章的文件决定的——去哪一所学校，在哪里工作，住在哪里喝哪一种啤酒……二十年代的美国人不能在酒吧饮酒，三十年代的德国人不能在夜晚唱歌，六十年代的朝鲜人不能去南边见自己的亲人——多么和平友爱的文明世界！
尤里安的手指翻过一页页文件，内容不出所料仍是一些被数据与评鉴高度概括的人生。人的一生要活那么多年、那么多天，在归档时却只有这薄薄几页纸——不对，有的人甚至连这几页纸也不知所终。尤里安暗自在心里说道——他想起那天在档案室里的事。
那天在档案室，尤里安将写着先寇布姓名的档案袋的线扣绕开又缠上，然后又绕开——如此一再反复，才终于用手指撑开了牛皮纸袋口。然而，当他终于将手指塞进牛皮纸袋中，却发现里面竟然空无一物。没有任何说明，也没有留下只言片语，只有一个见底的空洞和尤里安面面相觑。
尤里安本来打算看一眼先寇布的住址，再想个办法转达给杨威利。在看到空档案袋的一刻，他终于明白，为什么这个人让一个历史学家掘地三尺都找不出来，大概是有什么力量刻意要把他在世界上的痕迹抹去。一个预谋被消失的人，他的痕迹是很难被人找到的。尤里安心想，小心而哀伤地叹了一口气。
手中的档案已经翻到了1962年的5月，尤里安端起桌上的茶杯喝了一口红茶，继续看下去——13日，一位部长调任国防部，全东德小学生歌唱比赛顺利进行，三位文化部官员因东德政府从来不会公开说明的原因处以降职处罚，他们分别是威廉·特林克斯、莱纳·布鲁姆哈特和华尔特·冯·先寇布。
先寇布？！
尤里安如被雷击一般，将文件上的名字又确认了一遍——是那个名字没错。虽然只是一份处分决定，但既然有处分，就不会只有一份处分决定。尤里安·敏兹搬过手边的黄页，抬起办公室电话的听筒。
街角的咖啡馆里，尤里安坐在一扇落地窗前，盯着小圆桌上一杯正在冒热气的咖啡出神。没过一会儿，杨威利也走进这家事先约好的咖啡馆，在他面前的一张椅子前坐下。两人简单而客气地打过招呼后便陷入了短暂的沉默，似乎都在等待对方先开启话题。最后还是尤里安先开了口：“教授，我——”尤里安停顿了一下，接着，他再度鼓起勇气，说：“我得向您承认，我做了一件不好的事。”
“怎么了？”杨对突如其来的忏悔显然毫无准备，疑惑地看着尤里安欲言又止的表情。终于，在一阵令人不安的沉默之后，尤里安说：“我在档案室看到了华尔特·冯·先寇布的文件。”
尤里安的话仿佛一记重锤打在杨的心脏上，他的右手不由自主地攥紧了手中的公文包，却没有接话——他在等尤里安继续讲下去。
“我本来没打算看……但是……它正好就在那里……它……”尤里安想解释，可是这解释又说来话长，他努力打住复杂的内心活动，说：“总而言之——我打开了文件袋，心想只看一眼，如果他还活着，我就把他的住址记下来……”
杨的双眼已经涌起了急切的波澜，然而他还是安静地听尤里安说着，右手指尖不经意地轻叩咖啡杯盘的金色边缘，小心翼翼地问：“那么……他还活着吗？”
“我……我不知道——”尤里安答道，“档案袋是空的。”
“什么？！”见杨不敢相信自己，尤里安又重复了一遍，“档案袋是空的，连一张纸条、一句说明也没有。”
杨威利深吸一口气，他不是没有想过这个时刻——相反，在过去那些数不清的不眠之夜里，他已经在脑海里把这一刻预演了成千上万遍——是生是死，是好是歹——无论是哪一个答案，他都已经接受过；无论是哪一种感情，他都已经承受过。现在，尤里安只需要挑选出其中一个版本，在上面盖上确认的戳，就可以为三十年的等待和寻找画上句号——抑或是逗号。可是，他万万没有想到，尤里安给自己的答案，竟然是一个语焉不详的问号。
“市民可以查看或影印自己的档案卡，但不能带走原件。我检查了档案局的申请记录，没有任何记录显示有市民曾经查看过华尔特·冯·先寇布的档案卡。”
杨低头陷入沉默之中，他的大脑飞快地筛选着各种可能，而每一种可能都不能解释现在的情况——如果这是一个假名，斯塔西的档案里怎么会有他的记录？如果这是一个真名，为什么文件袋里却是空的？看来又回到了原来的地方。杨威利失望地想。杨的眼睑愈发低垂，而尤里安接下来的话却给他带来了新的希望。
“但是，教授——我在一份文化部的处分文件中看到了一个姓先寇布的人。”尤里安从书包里掏出一份影印文件递到杨眼前，说：“您看，是您要找的那个人吗？”
杨威利的身体微微前倾，他看向文件上的文字，文化部人事司——是他所在的部门；华尔特·冯·先寇布，35岁，男性——一千七百万东德人里，不应该有第二个叫这个名字的三十五岁男人。他的食指指尖不露声色地划过印着先寇布姓名的几个字母，朝尤里安点头道：“很有可能就是他。”尤里安继续问道：“依您看，他的档案失踪会不会和这次处分决定有关？”
“有可能。东德文化部并不如外人所想是一个单纯的和平的部门，这可能是斯塔西最在意的一个部门。”杨想起当时在文化部做兼职助理时的见闻——几个一现身就能让谈笑风生的同事们噤若寒蝉的领导，一些在办公室谈话时忽然发出的轻咳，在那栋办公楼的每一个人似乎都有特异功能，能凭借同事的一个眼神就得知站在自己身后的是哪一位领导，以便故作镇定地转换谈话主题。他还记得自己第一次去人事司找先寇布，“就这么大摇大摆地就走到我的办公桌前”，先寇布后来回忆，“把莱纳的脸都吓绿了——他还以为你是督察组的人。”这里的所有人都是这样小心翼翼、畏首畏尾地活着，所有人都假装自己安全且自由，没有人胆敢指出这里的不正常。因为在这里，实践勇敢的代价超出了一般人的承受范围。“在这里，不要相信任何人。你对任何人说的任何一句话，都有可能在今天下班前送到部长跟前。”二十六岁的杨威利看着先寇布深潭般的眼眸，将信将疑地问：“包括你？”而后者毫不犹豫地回答：“包括我。”吐出一口烟后，他又补上一句：“我们才见了不到十次面，以这个次数来说，你的坦诚实在是超出了我的想象。”
杨威利的手指在黑白相间的钢琴键盘上来回划动，短暂的沉默后，他开口说：“但我宁可相信你。有一位中国学者说过，‘做学问要在不疑处有疑，待人要在有疑处不疑’。”
不远处的沙发上，先寇布似乎被烟呛了一下，他扭过头，意味深长地盯着杨威利，说：“但这里是东德——我劝你还是调整下你的处世哲学，早晚有一天你会被你心中的那些仁义给害死的。”而杨威利却针锋相对道：“我确实希望自己能好好活着，但死对我来说也没有那么可怕。”
先寇布干笑了一声，说：“行了，你不会死的。你会长命百岁，最后成为一位名利双收的智慧老人，在孝顺的子孙、忠实的爱人和争气的学生环绕中安详离世。但我就算了，我不想给自己增添后代这种麻烦事。要是我先死，可别忘了为我在《新德意志报》上登一篇感人至深的悼词。”听到他这么说，杨无可奈何地笑了笑——这是他想要结束一段无法达成共识的对话时的一贯做法。先寇布吸完最后一口烟，起身将燃尽的烟头摁灭在茶几上的烟灰缸里，走到钢琴前，将杨挤到琴凳的另一端，问：“今天弹哪一段？”
后来，杨已经记不清他们之间爆发的绝大多数争论，只记得在那个烟雾弥漫的七十平方房间里回荡着的手指敲击琴键的声音，或轻快，或沉郁，或悲怆，或慷慨激昂，或如泣如诉。杨知道，对于他和他这样的人，语言是非常有限的。他大可以把一个问题分析得鞭辟入里，他也能够用他的如簧巧舌将他逼到哑口无言，但对于触及到心灵的部分却永远无计可施。他只能看着他苍劲有力的手指在键盘上翻转、跳跃，倾诉着另一种欲说还休。
杨威利感到喉咙一阵干涩，他轻轻咳了一声，对尤里安说：“他可能上了斯塔西的名单——这也许就是他的档案袋空了的原因。”
尤里安知道这意味着什么——在他很小的时候他就知道，每个东德市民的头上都悬着一双眼睛，它无孔不入地掌控你的行踪，扫描你的思想。如果一个人始终被认为是“无害的”，再加上一点麻木和对SED的忠诚，他大概可以自欺欺人地将那些缠绕在手腕脚踝上的鲜红镣铐视作一种特殊安全带。然而，对于一些被列入“危险清单”的人来说，事情却远没有这么简单。他们会在斯塔西内部拥有一个代号，他们的住宅和办公室的角落会被装上窃听装置，再由几个工作人员轮流监听——而这一切都不被当事人察觉。直到铁幕粉碎后，他们之中的幸存者才猛然惊觉，那些在家中打开电视机收看DFF的日子，与电视画面上的雪花一起闪烁的很可能还有一双活人的眼睛。
“无论如何，我都要谢谢你，你本没有必要为我冒这个险。”杨威利向尤里安报以感激的笑，将几张零钱留在空了的咖啡杯旁边。正当他起身准备离开时，尤里安的声音在背后响起来。
“教授，我想——也许您可以试试申请查看自己的档案卡？”
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